Disintegration
by RabbitHole26
Summary: If Alison DiLaurentis was poison, then Hanna Marin was the antidote. One-shot.


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It happened fast with Alison. The first time Emily ever saw her she knew that she was different, she knew that this girl was going to affect her more than the other ones. It was quick.

For a good chunk of her life, Emily Fields had waited for Ali. She knew that it was stupid and that it probably never would have happened, but she still had that sliver of hope that maybe the girl actually loved her back. Emily never even bothered looking at anyone else because it was always Alison. For _years,_ it was only Alison.

Alison DiLaurentis. She burned through Emily like she burned through the cigarettes she would chain smoke if things didn't go her way. Burned her down until there was hardly anything left, burned her down by sucking everything out of her. Ali would kiss Emily one day, push her away the next, and then repeat the cycle like clockwork. No matter what, though, she would tell Emily that she was the only one who understood her. Believing Alison was like drinking poison, Emily knew that deep down, but she kept taking long sips anyways.

Alison was in everything Emily saw, in every scent she smelled, in every sound she heard. Emily had always thought that of all the horrible ways to die, asphyxiation would be the least painful. In a sense, Alison was asphyxiating her, slowly, but it could have been worse. Because at least she would get her moments with Ali. They were small, and maybe Emily read into them too much, but they were there. For one moment in time Emily and Alison existed together and that had always been good enough for the brunette.

...

But if Alison DiLaurentis was poison, then Hanna Marin was the antidote.

...

It happened slow with Hanna. Everything between them started out completely superficial, which sounds bad, but Emily had needs and _no one _could deny that Hanna was attractive; her blonde hair and blue eyes were just an added bonus.

Emily never stopped to wonder what exactly Hanna was doing with her, and maybe she should have, but she didn't. Alison was gone for good, and Emily didn't have time to process anything else at the moment.

...

It happened fast _for_ Hanna, but Emily wasn't paying attention, so the blonde decided to keep it to herself. Hanna knew that Emily would realize it eventually; at least she hoped she would, because filling the space that Alison used to take up in the brunette's life wasn't easy.

Hanna would take Emily places, like to the drive-in movie theater outside of town, or to the hidden pond she used to hike to when she was in fat camp. Emily would swim laps around Hanna, and the blonde would float in the water and try to figure out when it was, exactly, that Emily Fields became her type. They would have conversations about things that were never brought up again to Aria, or Spencer, or anyone else for that matter. Conversations about life, and after life, and friendship, and religion, and countless other topics.

These were the moments that Hanna felt the most connected to Emily, these were the moments that she felt the most connected to _anyone _in her entire life.

But then the next day Emily would disappear for an hour or two and Hanna knew that if she drove by the cemetery, she would see the brunette sitting by Ali's grave. So when Emily would come back, not offering any excuse as to where she was, Hanna would try to remind her that she was the girl who was right in front of her, the girl that was actually alive, and if she had to use her body to make her point, she would.

...

Emily can't remember why she stopped making trips to the cemetery, but she just assumes its because she's been so busy with swimming, and school, and Spencer and Aria, and Hanna. Especially Hanna. She makes the girl breakfast in bed one morning and she swears she's never seen the blonde smile so big. She feels an odd sense of pride in the fact that she is the reason for that smile.

Hanna has plans to meet up with her father and stepmother in the city for dinner one night, and Hanna begs Emily to come along because she hates being alone with the two of them. Emily says yes without hesitation, but right before they leave, Spencer calls Hanna and tells her that Jason dropped off boxes of Ali's old stuff and that if either of them want to take anything, they should come over right away to look at it before it gets thrown away. Hanna hangs up and hesitates before telling Emily what Spencer said, because she knows that Emily will bail on dinner the second the words leave her mouth. She tells her, though, and offers to drop her off at Spencer's on her way to dinner. Emily scoffs at the suggestion and assures Hanna that she is coming with her, to support her, and that she doesn't have any interest in "digging through Alison's dusty knick-knacks." Hanna doesn't believe her until they are sitting together at dinner, laughing, with Emily's hand resting on her thigh under the table, because it's the first time that Emily has ever ignored something related to Ali.

...

One day Emily wakes up and realizes that she hasn't thought about Alison in a long, long time. On top of her desk there are movie tickets, burned CD's, and notes from Hanna, instead of the snow globes, gum wrappers and postcards from Ali that she remembered being there. It doesn't bother her, though, and she feels like it should. But it doesn't.

...

It's almost one in the morning when Emily finishes her closing shift at the coffee shop, and in typical Rosewood fashion, rain is pouring down and the thunder is getting louder and louder. Emily's annoyed because she rode her bike to work, since it was sunny almost eight hours ago, and now she is going to get drenched on her way home. She locks up and when she turns around she see's Hanna waiting in her car, waving. Emily jogs over and gets in, flipping her hood down before speaking to the blonde, "I didn't know you were going to pick me up! It's late."

"I assumed you rode your bike since it was nice earlier, so when it started to sound like the apocalypse outside I figured you may need a ride," Hanna responds cheerfully.

"Seriously, thank you, Han. You didn't have to do that. I love you," Emily replies, before realizing what she just said. Her expression shows her shock, and Hanna picks up on it quickly before she speaks up again.

"Don't worry, I know you didn't mean it like that," the blonde responds with an awkward laugh.

"No...I did," Emily says slowly, as Hanna pulls up to a stop sign, "I do. I love you."

"Like as a friend or..." Hanna trails off, as she meets Emily's gaze, the hope in her eyes apparent to the brunette.

"Like as more than a friend," Emily says, as she leans over, wraps her hand around Hanna's neck and kisses her.

For the first time in their lives, both of the girls are happy that there is no one else out on the roads of Rosewood at night.

...

Emily thinks back to first grade when they read _The Tortoise and the Hare _and remembers how six-year-old Hanna was in her class, and how she said it was her favorite story that year.

_Slow and steady wins the race. _

It's perfect, Emily decides.


End file.
